This past week has been one of the hardest I can think of. Darin and I have both been upset and tense because his mother is in the hospital and has severe depression and anxiety. If you don't know much about these illnesses, I can try to clue you in a little, but to be honest I don't know if I'll ever understand myself. When the person's medications are not adjusted correctly, or when the person is in one of their "low" periods, they are very difficult to deal with. They always demand their own way and are totally centered on themselves. They are also mean and will turn on a loved one in a heartbeat.
It is very difficult to care for a person with this condition to say the least. But God is faithful. He loves us all unconditionally no matter how we act. Within certain limits, He will still come after us even when we reject Him. I want to be like God is, but to be honest I am nothing like that. I find myself wishing for her to be out of our life, left to her own devices. The other part of me still longs for her to see how much we love her and that we can help care for her. She wants to move an hour or so away and live on her own, even after her health has gone so downhill and she has proven time and time again that she can't take care of herself.
My loving husband has endured verbal abuse over and over. We both endure rejection over and over. We help, we love, we do everything in our power and she rejects us and our help, and blames us to boot.
But I know that although I can't seem to figure out how to do this yet, that God wants us to rest in him. To jump up in His arms and let Him carry us. To hand over our burdens and let Him carry them. I trust God. He allowed my Mother-in-law to fracture her hip, a minor injury that only requires physical therapy, to get her into a hospital where people can care for her. We have to continue to trust in the Lord to work everything out for good, it's the waiting that is so hard.