You know, it's one thing to learn a lesson and quite another to walk it out. Have you ever noticed that? I have been reading a blog that I want to share with you -
http://kathrynsonlinejournal.blogspot.com/2008/09/first-things-first.html
You can go back and read the posts prior to this one if you like to make sense of the post. Kat is going through a difficult trial, having a physical condition that causes her a great deal of pain. I shared my experiences on that blog with her as I will share with you now.
Right after I gave birth to my first child I started feeling a great deal of pain, which was diagnosed as endometriosis. It was very hard for me to care for my newborn having so much pain. I suffered with this condition for many years. I had a lazar surgery to try to remove the endometriosis, but still allow me to have more children. I had to take monthly shots after that to put me into an early menopause, and four years later my second child was born. The endometriosis came back with a vengeance and I think it was two years later I had a hysterectomy to rid me forever of this extremely painful condition.
During these years I begged God to forgive me. I played tapes that read healing scriptures over and over. I did everything I could think of to convince God to heal me. When He didn't I started feeling like He would heal others, but for some reason He wasn't about to heal me. When I first had the hysterectomy I told people that God used that to heal me but I didn't believe it. I would tall God that didn't bring Him glory. It brought to Doctors glory.
A year or so after my ordeal was finally over my husband was in a car wreck. He was hit from behind, and a disk in his upper back was damaged. He has been in pain ever since. I went through the same things on his behalf. I prayed and begged God to heal him. I did a Beth Moore study that really boosted my faith and I prayed and prayed for him. HE is still not healed.
Just recently God has shown me that where I have been going wrong is that I need to be seeking to get closer to God, not seeking what God can do for me. In other words, I made what He can do for me more important that my relationship with Him. Putting that into practice, now, is another matter.
I tend to get caught up in the activities of the day. There are many things that I have to do in a day (I know, we all have this problem for sure) and seeking a closer relationship to God seems like a challenge. But I also am starting to realize that I spend more time with God than I realized before. I pray when I am doing dishes or some other chore. When I can't sleep I talk to God. I am bad about now reading much of the Bible, but if I am at least reading a scripture a day, I can meditate on that and try to let it get into my spirit.
If you had had some success in walking this out, please let me know your tips!
